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The first rule to keep in mind regarding who pays for which
wedding expense is that rules were made to be broken! The following guidelines
define the traditional distribution of costs, but a traditional distribution may
not be suitable for your particular situation. For example, if the bride's
parents are deceased, many times the groom's parents will offer to assume some
or all of their expenses. Also, in cases of remarriage, particularly for the
bride, the parents often limit their contributions, reasoning that they've
already fulfilled their parental obligation by hosting one wedding.
What it comes down to is that you do what works. If the
groom's parents want to help pay for more of the wedding costs, have them talk
to the bride's parents! Most would welcome the help. One thing to note,
however...those who pay for something often feel that they have purchased
control of the buying decision as well. For example, many times parents who are
paying for the wedding invitations insist on approval of the style and wording,
regardless of the couple's preferences. Or the parents plan an elaborate,
three-course sit down dinner when the couple would rather have a buffet.
You need to decide what's important to you as a couple, and go
from there. If control is important to you, you may want to pay your own
expenses and make your own decisions. But as a starting point, here are how
expenses have traditionally been divided up:
Bride's Family
Bride
Groom's Family
Groom
Wedding Attendants
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The bride's family
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A wedding gift for the couple
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The wedding invitations, other wedding stationery (e.g., save the date cards,
response cards, church programs, napkins, announcements), and mailing costs |
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Fees for the soloist, organist, other musicians, and/or sexton |
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Rental costs for both the ceremony and reception sites |
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Ceremony and reception flowers |
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Reception food, liquor and other beverages, and gratuities for waitstaff |
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The wedding cake |
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The band or DJ for the reception |
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All photography and videography (including engagement photos) |
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Gratuities for those directing traffic as well as parking costs and coat-check
fees |
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Transportation for the bridal party to the ceremony and reception |
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The bride's dress, headpiece, shoes, purse, and other accessories |
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The clothing the bride will take on her honeymoon (the trousseau) |
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Bouquets for the bridesmaids |
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The rehearsal dinner (optional) |
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A bridesmaids' luncheon or other party (optional) |
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The bride usually pays for: |
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The groom's ring |
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A gift for the groom |
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Gifts for her maid/matron of honor and other female
attendants |
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Accommodations for geographically distant female attendants |
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Her personal stationery |
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Her physical examination/blood test (if required) |
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The groom's family
usually pays for: |
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A wedding gift for the couple |
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Their personal travel costs and accommodations |
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The clothing they will wear at the wedding |
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The rehearsal dinner (optional) |
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A bachelor's dinner (optional) |
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The groom usually pays for: |
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The marriage license
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The bride's engagement and wedding rings |
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A gift for the bride
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The bride's bouquet and going-away corsage
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Boutonnieres for the male attendants
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Corsages for the mothers and other relatives of the bride and groom
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Gloves, hats, ties or ascots for the men in the wedding party
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Gifts for his best man and other male attendants
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Accommodations for geographically distant male attendants
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The officiant's fee
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The honeymoon
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The wedding-night suite
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His physical examination/blood test (if required)
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A bachelor's dinner (optional)
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