Some Thoughts . . .
We have noticed that couples have begun to describe their post-ceremony
festivities with the adjective "adult", for example:
Adult Reception following the ceremony
Their intent is to emphasize that they absolutely do not want children to
attend their reception, but the unfortunate effect is the implication that
the reception may feature strippers and blue movies! While we sympathize
with the desire of these couples to enjoy a child-free reception, this is
not really an appropriate way to ensure that this happens.
How it actually works is that the guests are informed whether or not their
children are welcome to attend by reading the names written on the inner
envelope of the wedding invitation. If the envelope does not list the
names of their children, or the phrase "and Family" is not included, then
their children are not invited. We recommend that the following wording be
included on response cards:
Number of persons ______
Unable to attend ______
If you get a response card back where the number of persons indicated
exceeds the number you have actually invited, you can be reasonably
certain that there has been some confusion as to whom exactly was invited,
and you (or someone you designate, like your mother or maid of honor) will
need to call the guests involved and explain that (for whatever reason) you
aren't able to accommodate their children. Sometimes couples prefer to use
this alternative phrase to provide a reminder to guests that their
children have not been invited:
Number of adults ______
We have found that in most cases where couples want to describe their
receptions as "adult", they are thinking of particular guests who
apparently have a history of bringing their uninvited children to similar
events. Unfortunately, the subtlety of having an "Adult Reception" will
likely have no effect on such people, as they will assume you couldn't
possibly mean that you didn't want their children to attend. What
does help is including a personal note with their wedding invitation,
preemptively explaining that unfortunately, it simply won't be possible
for their children to come to the reception. This is a proactive and
particularly polite way of informing potentially problematic people of
your preferences. (The previous sentence has been brought to you by the
letter 'p').
